Wish

For some reason, I've been dreaming about you, a lot, since that last Thursday. I realised I do miss you. Things are really different beween us. There is a space, a chasm, that is separating us, but then, we aren't together now, are we? I claimed that I am fine with the reason you gave me, but deep down, I guess I'm still questioning. I know you can't give me an answer that you think I would like to hear, you are not one to play around with me, we have built a level of trust that I believe we do not keep anything from each other.

I embraced my status willingly, because I love you. It is the right choice, because when I saw you, you were so bloody happy, that even though I ached a little, I was happy for you too. I was happy that there was no awkwardness among us, among the group. I was happy that I was able to attend the gathering. I've missed out on so much this year. What changed was that you were at one end of the table, and I was at the other.

These dreams have been getting to me lately. I thought I am fine. I know I am fine. But...

Why do I wish we were back together?

Dog Food

Know a dog who can actually say 'no' to food?
Know a dog who doesn't eat dog food unless forced to?
Know a dog who won't eat food unless it was cooked with salt?
Know a dog who takes his own sweet time eating?
Know a dog who won't eat unless my dad fed him? *Used to*
Know a dog who actually chews his food during meal times?

And now, the cream on the cake:
Know a dog who hurt me by refusing to eat what I cooked?
And it was cooked pig's liver, meat and rice!!!

Tonight's dinner: Chicken stew and rice

After taking his own sweet time...

I swear, Tango has a better choice of food than many other unfortunate people. He is able to turn his back on his dinner when it doesn't suit him... He actually left his plate of food for two whole days when he decided he didn't like it. And meanwhile, my mum gave him treats to sustain him.

=.=!!!

Dog experts will be staring in horror at the food he eats. He is able to eat most of the food in the no-no list for dog food and not get sick. In fact, he seems healthier than ever, the vet says. Really tong sampah dog. Yet, how can he be so choosy over his food, I do not understand.

Post dinner game with his little rubber fishy

He actually growled at it because it didn't squeek

Leader = Power?

* I think I will be shot because I feel I'm using a really harsh tone

Many things have been happening, and technically, it's none of my business. However, it involves the people who I call my friends, people who I call my hometown mates, uni mates. This still does not make it my business, but it makes me really upset to see them behaving the way they do.

You might say, I do not know the inside story. True, but what I know is, leadership comes with power, and you, have been misusing your power. Leadership has gone to your head. Your senior was bad enough, and you, are worse. Yes, I graduated a few years ago, but that doesn't mean I am not updated enough to know what is happening.

And you. Everyone has different opinions, and as a leader, you are the coordinator. You coordinate, you do not run the whole show, although people who support you will go along with what you want. I've been there, done that, and you know what? It saves the hassle of me planning, because you'll do it for me. Oh, I'm being sarcastic.

You too. Just because you are not the leader this time, doesn't mean you stir up trouble. Why is there no ceremony at the end of this year? Who do you want to blame? Why do you want to blame? Yea, that's right, point fingers at each other. That's the best you can do? The result? Those that are NOT troublemakers do not get the awards they deserve.

I am mad. I am sad. I am the outsider, the spectator, watching the show, the circus, the whole damn freaking act.

To be able to lead, is not to display your power. To display your power, is to show your insecurity. When you are a good leader, you do not need a display of power. People will naturally follow, because they need to, not because they have to.

Believe in yourself. Believe that you are able to be a leader. Believe in your followers. Believe that they will support you in everyway they can.

I have met some great people, around my age, who are wonderful leaders. One of them is Ah Boon. I am serious. He is one which I will gladly follow, no questions asked. I am not exactly sure of how he managed us that time, but I do know, if there was a chance, I'd choose him again.

Being a leader is not easy. Some are born leaders, they find leadership a snap of the fingers. People like me, however, have to work at it. I am not perfect. I try to think of the people whom I look up to, I listen to what they have to say, I remind myself of their flaws and strong points. And I try to get feedback from people who I am dealing with.

From what I studied in Interpersonal Communication, disagreements arise because of miscommunications. Sometimes the problem lies with the speaker, sometimes with the listener. It's all in the communication skills. The speaker has to find ways to get the point across gently, and the listener has to listen, not to hear.

I sure do hope you guys stop bickering like little children, and start acting like adults.

When

Sometimes,

When the sun is shinning, and the sky is so nice and bright, suddenly you receive news that turns your whole world upside down.
You feel like your life is worthless, and that everything goes wrong, no matter what you do.


However,

When you're in that dark, grey world on your own, suddenly a friend calls, out of the blue, inviting you out for dinner.
You feel life is worth living again, because of a simple act of love, of friendship.


I know you don't read my blog, but, thank you my friend.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Only time

J. K., this is for you. Once, you asked me when, I couldn't answer, but I hope this song will explain everything that I can't.

Song Lyrics | Enya lyrics

Hurt

It's funny how it can hurt so much, when I'm asleep, until it wakes me up, and I can't close my eyes again, because the same scene will be playing over and over. No matter how I try to turn off my mind, it still comes back. I tell myself it is none of my business, and everyone has their own right, but that doesn't comfort me one bit. I do not want to think anymore about it, but there is nothing else for me to take my mind off things at the moment. I am still waiting for an email that determines my future. I want to focus on that, but what am I supposed to do when I'm waiting? That's when hurt comes in. I was so busy the past few weeks, I had so little time for my thoughts. It is a shield, being occupied, a shield to protect me from myself. I have a good imagination, sometimes too good, that I think too much, analyze too much.

I don't want to hurt, but, without the hurt, I don't think I can feel alive. Pain, and hurt, to me, it makes me feel, I am still living.

Sometimes

Sometimes, it is better to just refrain from speaking what I want to say, for fear it may destroy the relationship I have with a person.

Sometimes, it is better to just pretend nothing has happened, because it might just be a misunderstanding.

Sometimes, it is better to just forget what has happened, and look towards the future.

Sometimes, it is better to just completely relax, and enjoy myself.

Sometimes, it is better to just let go, and move on.

Sometimes, I just have to go with my instincts, and do what I think is best for me.

Composer

*Let me try to express myself and explain to my best ability...

My housemate has this friend, lets call him J. He's an amature composer, and a quite good guitarist and keyboardist. He asked my housemate to go over to a studio where he regularly records his songs, and she, in turn, asked me along.

The studio was so-so, enough facilities, but I do not want to talk about that. I want to talk about how I felt about the whole 'trip'.

J runs a one man show. You see, he wants more than one part in his music, in his songs, which usually means more than one person recording, right? He uses this software, which he connects to a keyboard, which he engineers the different sounds for different instruments. Nothing wrong in this.

But, his songs are 100% engineered. Fake, in my opinion. It totally eliminates the need for other players, other musicians. Maybe, he felt it is easier this way, without having to deal with people, especially when he is writing the scores.

Still, to create a 6 or 7 part song, and you just use yourself as the keyboardist, and you play all the parts on your own, using the different instruments available in the software, is this still called a band? Ok, so maybe you don't actually call it a band.

For me, music is to be played together. Sound engineering, audio engineering, may be used to enhance the music, not to completely create it. Where is the companionship, the relationships that are built through music? Between players?

Music is alive. It is not supposed to be something out from a computer. Initially, it *may* be. However, the final performance should be by real human beings, instead of a dumb computer. Music is to be felt, and that can only be achieved through people.

I believe many of the songs nowadays are engineered, and do correct me if I'm wrong, but their engineering is limited to editing the songs. I don't think that any artist or performer doesn't want credit for his/her performance.

As a musician, I am not a professional. But this is my comment to you, J: Although your songs are beautiful, they fall flat. Intonation, tone, volume, expression, they are all lacking. They will be lacking, in mechanically created sounds. You may be adjust all the settings, all the notes will be at perfect tempo, perfect beat. These are meaningless, if you do not put meaning into the song. Nothing is better than people, real people.

Good luck.

Prawns

I am so proud of myself today.

What did I do? I shelled prawns~!! For the first time!! Haha...

Unshelled prawns

Shelled prawns

Prawn crap

A little sugar on raw prawns and the prawns will be firm and slightly crispy when cooked

The prawn heads are so hard and sharp. Dunno how many times I've been pricked. I have new profound respect for the people who shell prawns for me, namely my father and my mother.

Argh! I really do not know why I wrote this post... =.=!

Plans

I promise myself I will never be like you.

Like how you have to be in charge of everything.

Do you know how hurt I am?

These are people dear to me, just like you.

But you seem to disregard them.

I understand I am precious to you.

I understand you try to let go.

I understand, I do.

But if I have to leave, then I have to leave.

You cannot keep me away forever.

They changed the plans to suit me too.

I hope you understand me like I understand you.

PS: And please don't be so high-strung, your blood pressure will rise.